Monday, March 16, 2015

Banned, Baaja, Baaraat - What should have been banned

Gmail from offices, Fifty Shades of Grey,  India’s Daughter, Bovine slaughter. Just a few of the things banned this week. In the spirit of banning, here’s a list of more things that should be banned in India. 

                        1. Terrible Hindi serials
True, the K season has disappeared, only to be replaced with serials with names taken from really classic, really nice songs, but with essentially K-serial type stories. No matter how the serial starts – with a blind protagonist, with an independent protagonist, with a child protagonist – it ends up as a- yep, you guessed it right, saas bahu drama. Also, it’s amazing how, no matter where the serial is based – Kanpur, Raigarh, or even Chennai - there is always an obnoxious, overbearing Punjabi aunty. How is that even possible?


Ghar ghar ki kahani
(Courtesy: Google Images)


     2.  People spitting/ urinating on the roads
Okay, so I want to ask all these people a very pertinent question – do they think their urine/ spit contains some kind of fertiliser that will somehow nourish the tar on the road and make the road stronger? If yes, then let me break that bubble and say, with full confidence, that the answer is no. The only thing bodily fluids does to the road is make it dirty, stinky and unhygienic.  Also, for those people who empty up their noses on the street – two more questions:
a. Can’t you wait till you reach home?
b. Have you ever heard of – oh, i don’t know, this thing called – a HANDKERCHIEF?

Idhar thukna mana hai?
(Courtesy: Google Images)


     3. No music, no lyrics
Seriously, enough is enough. I have had it with vodka, tequila and whatever other beverage you might want to write a song about now. Also, Mai hoon Superman, Salman da fan? Are you saying that you are superman, or is Salman bhai Superman?
Very "deep" lyrics!
(Courtesy: Google Images)


     4. Click baiting headlines
“ You will not believe what happened”  - Guess what? I do.
“ What happened next will blow your mind” – Guess what ? It didn’t.
“ We are so sad for this which happened to the star of this. Click here to know..” - *scrolling down my Facebook page*


This will shock you! #huh
(Courtesy: Google Images)


    5. Douchebag grooms
This week, a bride broke off her wedding when her well-educated groom failed to add 15 to 6. This shows that there should be a “Please add copies of your certificates” tab in online matrimonial sites. Shaadi.com, are you listening?
 Also, should i even utter the D- word? Remember Nisha Sharma, who broke off with another douchebag groom way back in 2003? 

Badhaai ho!
(Courtesy: Google Images)


     6. Begging
The girl at the traffic light who manages to squeeze in her entire body into a ring that is the size of a tiara? She should be playing with her friends instead of doing somersaults in the middle of the road. The old woman who shivers with age as she sits begging at the local station? She should be resting in the comfort of her own home, instead of the station, forced to move because of cops, rains or lack of food. I am not asking for air-conditioned flats with marble floorings for the underprivileged, or a PhD degree for everybody, but a simple room with a basic sanitation facility should be provided, along with some vocational training. In a place where handicrafts sell nineteen to the dozen, surely we need a few more helping hands?

Alms for the poor - with a twist, maybe?
(Courtesy: Google Images)


    7.  Politicians making inane comments
Chowmein causes rape. Have ten children. South Indian women are fair and can dance. Mosques are not houses of worship.Women who are not virgins should be lynched. All you kind sires, I think you should be banned, if not off the face of the earth, at least from the floors of the Parliament.

Words of Wisdom (pun intended)
(Courtesy: Google Images)


     8. Remakes of south Indian, Hollywood & old movies
On Star Gold, the dubbed version of the Telugu/ Tamil film Pokiri plays. On Movies Now, Wanted, the official remake of Pokiri plays. Hum Tum is on Sony Max, and When Harry Met Sally is on Romedy Now. Why would I watch SRK’s Don when Amitabh Bachchan’s Don exists? Too much confusion, too many unnecessary movies and too much money with the producers.

Ye charcha Facebook pe hai - mazaa bas EK look me hai!
(Courtesy: Google Images)



    9. Overpriced food in theatres
An ACT II popcorn packet costs Rs 20. The same ACT II popcorn becomes Rs 200 when in the theater.  A pizza in Dominos costs about Rs 200. A stale pizza slice in the theatres costs you Rs 200. An average moviegoer cannot watch a movie without some snacks, so decides to sit at home, download the movie from Torrent and munch on snacks of their cost and choices. This is the real reason piracy flourishes:-p.

Mil jul ke " nacho nacho"
(Courtesy: Google Images)

     10.People strolling on the stations during rush hour.
There is one unspoken rule in train stations, especially in Mumbai suburban train stations – never ever saunter on the railway bridge from 8 – 10 am and 5 – 7 pm. In Mumbai you have malls and the sea face for strolling with your lover. Please walk slowly in peace there and don’t block the way of people who run every day to board their favourite train.
(Note: The bridge is divided into two imaginary lanes – the fast and the super fast. The fast is the middle of the bridge, whereas the super fast are the ones on either side of the fast, which are more closer to the stairs. Geddit?)
Ish! Kiti gardi aahe na?
(Courtesy: Google Images)


     11. Nepotism

Just because the father can act, doesn’t mean the son can too. Just because the mom is a brilliant dancer, doesn’t mean the daughter is one too. There is no reason for the brother/sister, son/daughter, niece/ nephew of a politician/actor/sportsperson to be chosen over or discriminated against somebody who is infinitely more talented. Let democracy prevail, not monarchy.

Who's your daddy ;-)?
(Courtesy: Google Images)


Enjoy, and add, in the comments section, a few things you think should be banned!

2 comments:

  1. For me this is the best of all till now & I am sure you will just keep getting better.
    Agree with you,, all of them need to be banned. :) some of them quite irritating... In India just banning does not seem to be enough,, how about smoking is banned in public, but you many times have to fight to stop them....
    Waiting for more :)

    ReplyDelete